inside out: puzzling through emotions
I believe culture has cultivated a society taught to keep emotions “out of the picture.” Whether it’s for purposes and/or false notions of business, gender equity, managing appearances…the list goes on. And this has inevitably contributed to creating generations fearful, cutoff, and suppressive of processing emotions in a genuine, authentic, and healthy way.
When an emotion surfaces, this is your soul calling out to you because it wants something from you. When you accept Jesus as your savior, you begin a process of transformation that is rooted in a joy that is internal and eternal. It’s a lesson we learn over and over again, each time His lesson for us deepening its impact over our hearts.
But what do you do when you are cut off from your joy?
In the Disney movie, Inside Out, we’re introduced to personified emotions in character form. Riley, a pre-teen girl is having a difficult time navigating life transitions and we’re quickly introduced to her emotions – a loving team that consists of joy, sadness, fear, anger, and disgust. We see how they each come with their own responsibilities to keep Riley loving, unique, and safe. The central character, Joy, is responsible for keeping Riley happy. She also cannot fathom Sadness’s purpose when it comes to their team and does everything she can to keep sadness contained to herself.
I wish this movie was around when I was Riley’s age and am so glad that there’s an awesome movie like this one out there to teach children to honor, respect, and voice their emotions. Research conducted by Brene Brown for Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience has shown us that “across cultures, most of us were raised to believe that being vulnerable is being weak. This sets up an unresolvable tension for most of us, because we were also raised to be brave. There is no courage without vulnerability. Courage requires the willingness to lean into uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.”
If you’ve experienced situations where you have had to hide, mask, or deny your emotions, you are likely more comfortable with sharing positive emotions over negative ones. For others, maybe you’ve experienced pains rooted in trauma. Loss. Betrayal. Disappointment. Abuse. And maybe negative emotions have cast a backdrop over your experience that has infiltrated your perspective. Traumatic imprints create disconnection from the mind, body, and Spirit. You could be in a completely safe place, but the weight of past experiences makes you question what is safe because what was once deemed safe was tainted. In these moments, you’re cut off from your ability to take actions because you cannot put into words what your body already knows but has been told to distrust.
Happiness is fleeting. Joy is eternal. Happiness is circumstantial, joy harnesses the capacity for hope in the presence of pain. Anytime you say you are fine when you are not, you are suppressing how you feel. All too often, suppressing emotions finds destruction in distractions. Expecting and/or claiming to feel happiness when you do not is like knocking on a door when there is no one there. If you’re not there, how can you expect to get back into a place of joy if there is no space for other emotions to exist?
In Psalm 30:5, King David declares in this song over the dedication of the temple that,
“... Weeping may stay for the night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.”
God reminds us that joy will come again and that this present emotion also needs our time, care, and attention. Emotions that are “undesirable,” “unpretty,” and “messy” do not have to keep you mired in what is ungodly and can be used as a powerful opportunity for responding in a healthy, healed, transformative way.
In moments where you have been triggered out of their peace and the weight of the situations has created emotional sphagetti, this is a telltale indicator that space + stillness for meditation + reflection are a requirement. What you suppress comes from a place of expectation instead of reality. Expecting to feel happy when you are sad. Expecting to feel supportive when there is jealousy. Expecting to feel love where there are thorns of bitterness. When you disconnect from what is present and expect yourself to adhere to a standard of where you are not, you are cutting off your internal capacity to channel joy because you are denying your inner reality. Rather than rejecting, judging, and/or avoiding difficult emotions, it important to process emotion by:
Allowing for margin - Set aside time to ponder objectively contemplate your current reality. When pushed out of joy, the key is to find a place of peace rooted in contentment
Recall the intention - This is meeting yourself with grace. Your emotions exist because they are proof that you care. They reveal what is true, meaningful, and/or important to you. Every emotion has a corresponding corollary and every emotion is attached to one of your core wants. In moments, where you are unable to commit a name to what you are feeling, work backwards. Ponder what desires they would voice from a place of non judgment. You can reference this chart (see below) we put together as a starting point.
Meet the emotion - This requires a radical honesty about where you are emotionally rather than where you are not. What you speak into existence is surrendered to Him. Any lies from the enemy are rejected. Sometimes harnessing joy will require making a conscious choice to be bold in a situation that the enemy would like to keep you captive with by using your silence + shame against you.
Respond with wisdom - Your body already knows how to move with wisdom, grace, and ease by drawing wisdom from what your emotionality is signaling to you. When you are able to go through this process, the Holy Spirit will begin to minister over you on how to communicate boundaries that come from a place of joy and an overabundance of Christ’s love. You’ll be equipped with better responses in moments that would have otherwise been met by reactions.
In 1 Peter 5:6-7, we read:
"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."
Simon penned this as a word of encouragement to provide hope in the midst of suffering. Just as we are imperfect children of God, our emotions will show up imperfectly as well. To sit through suffering and persecution that these emotions surface is to sit through a purifying fire that gives us the opportunity to deepen our faith and also share the love and goodness of Jesus Christ. Doing so requires that we understand that our emotions were given to us by God and that He too also has them. By examining these emotions, wisdom can be drawn and this scripture is a good reminder that we can always call upon the Lord in times of struggle, just as much as strife and celebration. It encourages us to be humble and lower ourselves in fierce vulnerability. Doing so allows Him to come in and do His heart work.
Joy is not independently self -sufficient. Emotions exist in multitudes, at varying depths. To be in joy, courage is a requirement. To be vulnerable is a display of courage because it is humility in action. The power is found in the release rather than the control. The balance between discipline and surrender is where joy is found. For joy to exist, you have to know how it is set apart from sadness. For sadness to occur is proof that you are alive. For sadness to come to a close, joy has to be given the opportunity and choice to prevail.
If you’re ready to choose joy + channel your emotions for greater wisdom, you can schedule a 1:1 complimentary consultation here.
Kim Yamasaki is a Christian wellness coach who supports her clients in cultivating space + stillness in the mind, body, and Spirit through collaborative processes of co-creation. She provides services that create space _ stillness for deeper connection: spiritual wellness coaching for burnout, home organizing, and yoga. Her methods are affirming, grounding, and nurturing – all interlaced with playful creativity. She is a native Angeleno with Japanese and Chinese roots.
This article was originally published for the “selah space” newsletter, reclaiming abundance’s care package for go-getters. “Selah space” offers content to support readers looking to break the cycle of stress + burnout by living, loving, and learning deeply to be their most calm, confident, and complete selves. In the Bible, selah means “to pause or to reflect.” It appears most heavily in the Book of Psalms and Habakkuk as musical notations at the end of verses to draw attention back to what was previously expressed.
References:
Brown, B. (2022). Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience. National Geographic Books.
Audrey. (2019, December 1). What is Joy in the Bible?. Words of Faith, Hope & Love. https://www.wordsoffaithhopelove.com/what-is-joy-in-the-bible/
Docter, P. (Director). (2015). Inside Out [Film]. Walt Disney Pictures.