staying in your lane: trusting your process

Comparison is a thinking pattern that is baked into our design. As early as you can begin to articulate details and associations, you’re taught to recognize one thing apart from another. “This is a rose. That is a daisy.” The difference in types of flowers makes it easy to distinguish how one flower is not the same as another. Beautiful for their own uniqueness, colors, shapes, and sizes. 

When I’m looking at a garden of flowers, I am so thankful for the beauty and serenity that they all contribute to a whimsical place of peace. I am not upset at the rose for not being a daisy or the daisy for not being the rose. They’re both beautiful flowers–  just in different ways. 

Just like flowers, God  designed us as perfectly imperfect children of His kingdom. The very characteristics that are different make us beautiful and yet so much of how society conditions us begs us: to be the same, strive for false securities (status, occupation, wealth, relationships that reflect that, etc.) and compete for the same piece of a very large pie. 

Your unique characteristics come together to form who you are, what you believe, what’s  important to you. This is your identity. Who you are. What you believe. What’s important to you. These are all questions whose answers ask you to go inwards. 

Being anything less than yourself is to deny the beautiful uniqueness of who He called you to be. Keeping this focus gives us access beyond the eternal: a space of eternal peace + freedom in Christ. By the grace of God, we have access to the eternal because he transforms our internal world over and over again. 

There are two types of comparison: one that builds you up and another that tears you down. 

The  one that builds you up is a source of inspiration + motivation to know that you can do it too and also believe that you can do so much that you begin to take the steps to get there. It’s an attitude that embraces the journey over the destination. This version of comparison inspires you in such a way that you are able to begin believing in something more for yourself. It’s one that acknowledges the discipline + devotion that it will take in your personal journey. It’s one that plays for a team + celebrates one another’s success. Afterall, queens straighten each other’s crowns. Balance is embraced, maintained, and upheld with strong boundaries in place because it’s not a question of if, but when. It’s a faithfulness in your foundational spiritual relationship with Him – a placing of your assurance in Him knowing full well that He always keeps his promises. 

Contrarily, the one that tears you down leaves you exhausted and worried. Rather than feeling inspired + motivated, this one is draining + hopeless. In this version of comparison, what we’re comparing ourselves against has to do with how another person is doing in relation to what is true, meaningful, or important to us. And these usually draw origins from one of the false securities mentioned above. When you compare in this way, your identity seems as though it’s being  put to the test and a question of worthiness becomes a focus. This is dangerous to yourself because you’re surrendering your foundations to the whims of another and begin listening + following others in a place only God has authority to speak on. It’s allowing your worthiness to be measured based upon whether someone else will approve or not approve. This is why any time you take action from a place of toxic comparison, it becomes cancerous. You break your boundaries + the bigger picture gets blurry. 

And others suffer from it too. In a place where the person you are comparing yourself to could be met with affection + support, instead they are suddenly the object of your scrutiny. It’s as if you cannot succeed because they are.  

Toxic comparison happens and it reveals your insecurities. Christian author, Nona Jones, found that the start of a downward spiral of toxic comparison typically stems from insecurities that go all the way back to some of your deepest wounds. Somewhere at some point in time, someone took a jab at you that you took as prophesy +  accepted as reality. 

In her book, Killing Comparison, she writes: 

“Maybe it’s [critical comment] not a big deal by itself, but when hurtful incidents add up, the sum of those experiences is a big deal. Hurtful words often leave cracks before they cause shatters.”

Just like a papercut, a small comment will not initially hurt, but when that comment persists, it eventually becomes a gash. Accepted as a condemning truth, it is solidified as a self limiting belief and then becomes a source of shame and pain. 

Every time you notice yourself beginning to make comparisons, you have an opportunity to choose whether to draw from it for inspiration or for self-harm. Healthy comparison keeps a heart of humility that balances an approach of confidence + acceptance of human limitation. He keeps us focused on staying fully in our own lane. We get unique histories, transformations, qualities, hardships, blessings, and beyond. Where there is comparison, there is opportunity to be a very vibrant flower among a blossoming bouquet.  

Where there is hurt + pain, there is opportunity for healing + purpose. The 13th century poet, Rumi, coined the phrase that “the wound is where the light enters.” Faith filled people are able to remind themselves and all those around them that God will use that pain to shape your purpose.  

You can only draw comparisons to what you believe is in reach and that you are capable of. How will you choose to use comparison? God sees you and loves you exactly as you are. So often, you are the one you have been waiting for. And He’s known it all along. 

If you’re ready to trust the process, you can schedule a 1:1 complimentary consultation here. 

Kim Yamasaki is a Christian wellness coach who supports her clients in cultivating space  + stillness in the mind, body, and Spirit through collaborative processes of co-creation. She provides services that create space _ stillness for deeper connection: spiritual wellness coaching for burnout, home organizing, and yoga. Her methods are affirming, grounding, and nurturing – all interlaced with playful creativity. She is a native Angeleno with Japanese and Chinese roots. 

This article was originally published for the  “selah space” newsletter, reclaiming abundance’s care package for go-getters. “Selah space” offers content to support readers looking to break the cycle of stress + burnout by living, loving, and learning deeply to be their most calm, confident, and complete selves. In the Bible, selah means “to pause or to reflect.” It appears  most heavily in the Book of Psalms and Habakkuk as musical notations at the end of verses to draw attention back to what was previously expressed.

References:

Jones, N. (2022). Killing Comparison: Reject the Lie You Aren’t Good Enough and Live Confident in Who God Made You to Be. Zondervan.

Maxwell, J. C. (2000). The 21 Most Powerful Minutes In A Leader’s Day: Revitalize Your Spirit and Empower Your Leadership. Thomas Nelson.

Hostetler, B. 5 Great Greek Words to Pray. Guideposts. https://guideposts.org/prayer/how-to-pray/5-great-greek-words-to-pray/

Bush, J., & Howard, B. (Directors). (2021). Encanto  [Film]. Walt Disney Pictures.